Misty's Cancer Blog
It's been almost 4 months.
On march 17th my mom will have been gone 4 months. It feels like a life time. Those who tell you over time it will get better are wrong. Time seems to make it worse. I feel like everyday I forget little things. But I can’t forget the things that I want to. The way she looked in that hospital or all of the sounds. When I least expect it, those sights and sounds are all I hear and see. I can’t feel her warmth anymore. Her hands were so cold in that hospital. I can still feel how cold her hands felt in mine. I know I will always carry those thoughts and feelings with me. So no time does not heal.
I’m so sorry that things are still so hard, Misty. I think four months is really just a blink of an eye, when you compare it to all the years you had with your mom…it’s very early days yet. Having lost both my sister and dad, I can say that it will get better, but it takes much longer. Everyone is different, but for me it took a couple of years before the pain started to be blunted. The feelings of loss never go away completely (my husband, who lost his mom 25 years ago when he was a young man, still misses her), but the kind of pain that you are feeling right now will get better, with the good memories becoming stronger than the bad. You might also want to talk to someone who specializes in grief counseling…I was there when my sister died after a long and horrible illness, and had that same inability to shake certain images that you are describing. It’s really kind of like PTSD, and a good therapist can help you learn ways to cope with that. Keep us posted on how you’re doing. Sending hugs and strength your way-Ann
Posted on So sorry Misty for your pain…..I am 19 years down the road of losing my mother and there isn’t a single day I don’t think of her…..I also had horrible flashbacks and had to see a therapist for a few months. He had me read some books and start a journal….open conversations with her….we had a good ralationship….but I guess he just wanted me to get things on paper. I do agree with Ann that it is a form of PTSD. Just bekind to yourself and know that some days hurt more than others and then some days we just smile.
This site is so good for us….keep writing and talking about it to those who have shared the journey….I pray each day cancer will one day be no more….
